The Art of Truly Listening

We live in a world that is ever changing and evolving into a faster and faster pace. Consequently, our response time to information that is presented to us has become more immediate. Such a scenario makes it difficult to both truly listen and to truly be heard. People have become accustomed to not spending the time to cultivate this crucial communication skill. The results of neglecting mastering the skill of listening can be devastating to the significant relationships we have in our lives. Universally, people complain that others just don't listen. Parents claim this of their children. Children are convinced that their parents barely try to listen to them. Wives are desperate for their husbands' attention while husbands often feel their wives don't hear them. A large majority of our society complains that they are just not being heard. So what's going on here? What does it mean to truly listen and allow someone's voice to be heard?

Listening demonstrates love, unconditional love. In creating intimate relationships with those we love, we want to be able to share our doubts, fears, mistakes, dreams and passions. We long for these emotions to be embraced by those who we choose to share them with. In order to do so, we have to be confident that we will be truly heard, not judged, blamed, advised, or interrupted. Listening provides comfort, recognition, an intimate bond, as well as offering clarity to ones thoughts and emotions. To listen to another is to give them the gift of valuing their unique needs and inner self.

When one is rarely listened to, whether it be a spouse, child, employee or friend, they may choose, consciously or unconsciously, to stop trying to express themselves as they begin to realize that their attempts to be heard are futile and not well received. The results of such a decision can be serious and damaging.

While the absence of listening is debilitating to relationships, the reality of listening provides a beautiful bonding interaction between two people solidifying their relationship. Listening frees us to share our true self with another creating a more gratifying interaction.

To increase the art of listening in your everyday relationships, try to incorporate the following into your communication with others:

1. When someone is speaking and sharing their thoughts and feelings, allow the focus to be on what they are saying as opposed to what you are thinking.
2. Paraphrase what you have heard to ensure that you have complete understanding of what they are sharing with you.
3. Refrain from sharing your own opinions, reactions or advice until the individual has had an opportunity to fully express their thoughts and feelings.
4. Seek to understand the other person for who they are and not what you think they should be, separating your ego and needs from the conversation.
5. Be conscious of your body language making sure to make eye contact and refraining from engaging in other activities as the individual is sharing with you.

Elizabeth Savino is a personal Life Coach and the owner of Sole Life Coaching. She specializes in Women in Transition. For more information on changing in a positive direction and empowerment techniques, you may contact her at esavl@aol.com or visit her website at elizabethsavino.com.

Qualifications:
Elizabeth Savino has had articles published at selfgrowth.com 11/05, 12/05, at ezine.com 11/05, 12/05, Mercer Woman 1/06 and in the NJAWBO Newsletter in 2005. Elizabeth Savino is a personal life coach and founder of Sole Life Coaching. She specializes in women's issues and working with young professions. With the support, guidance, and motivation of a life coach, individuals gain clarity about what direction they would like to move to live a more fulfilling life. Elizabeth assesses the individual life of each client to help them gain insight into what areas they would like to work on improving. They then formulate an action to reach the client's specific goals.

Elizabeth is a graduate of Bowling Green State University. She began her career teaching students with special needs. She chose to put her professional career on hold to devote her time and energy into being a role model and teacher to her own children. Elizabeth also used this time as an opportunity to pursue interests that she felt passionate about.

Elizabeth spent much of time researching the benefits of positive psychology on human destiny. She became increasingly aware of the power that human beings innately have to create their own destiny. Elizabeth felt a need to help others create positive changes in their lives. As an avid runner and participant in several marathons, Elizabeth has encouraged others to make a commitment to the disciplined task of training for similar races. By the example she sets in her own life and her dedication to pursuing goals that promote a life of passion, she has inspired others to take similar steps towards achieving positive changes in their lives as well.

Upon first hearing of the concept of life coaching, Elizabeth hired her own life coach. The strength and support she gained made a great impact on her. Working with her own life coach as a mentor, she completed a formal training program to become a certified life coach. She studied through Mentor Coach and CoachU to earn her certification as a Certified Life Coach. She is also a member of the International Coach Federation.

Elizabeth currently resides in Pennington, New Jersey with her two children, Jacqueline and Victoria, and her husband, Robert.